Nanna Banana holding daddy's hand

Nanna Banana holding daddy's hand
Nanna Banana holding daddy's hand

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Fun with LeeLee, the BCLC way

This is a post about BCLC, a new parenting style. You may or may not agree with it, but for me, some of it is working and some of it makes sense. You may or may not choose to read further.

So tonight, I swore that the kids would ALL be in bed by 8:30 after the fiasco this morning trying to get LeeLee up to go to school. It doesn't help that her bus comes at 7:00 am.
That backfired.
at 8:15 the little girls were asleep, but LeeLee informs me she has extra reading homework.
It took a little creative ingenuity, and some giggles, tickles and fun, but after an hour she was finally done. (with the extra 10 min. of reading). It is 10:15.
If you are familiar with "Beyond Consequences Learning and Control" check out the link.

You will note that the idea is that you have to build the relationship first.  and sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards.
Some may feel it is enabling, others may feel it supports co dependency and doesn't encourage the self-help/self study skills that she needs in later life.
BCLC works on building trust and self confidence first.
For these children who have been neglected, malnourished, mistreated and/or abused, they missed out on a huge chunk of their development.
If a child has Downs Syndrome, you don't expect them to have a PHD in physics. If a child has cerebral palsy, they are not expected to win the Boston Marathon. But if a child has spent most of their life locked away in one room with a TV and occasional food tossed to them, we still expect them to function on grade level, have grade level skills and functioning. It is so unfair to them, really. They never were taught, nor learned the basic skills of "get ready for school". they just got up when they wanted, wore the same clothes from the night before, disheveled hair, yellow teeth and smelly clothes, grabbed a quick Coke and maybe a cupcake and were out the door. Usually an hour or so late, if at all.
So we have to go back to basics, and simplify.
Wake up. use the toilet, flush. wash hands and face with soap. eat breakfast at the table. put on pants, shirt shoes and socks (which I have already gotten ready for them). brush teeth. brush hair(which i do for her). put on jacket, put on backpack.  Even though teenagers, they have missed out on this and so have to go back to the basics. just like my 2 and 3 year old. It has to be this specific.
Is it enabling a child when you get all their clothing out for them, find their shoes and pack their backpack when they are teenagers? For some, yes.
For LeeLee, she honestly cannot focus enough to do these simple things. It totally over whelms her. She is not lazy. She just missed out and is unable to organize her thoughts and her daily self-help chores.
Surprisingly, even my husband sees this, and although he doesnt get the BCLC thing, he is very sympathetic to her needs.
I hope that someday she will be able to move past this stage.

I know, many of you teachers would be falling all over themselves, but the Idea, to me, was to get her to read. period. So, she would read a page, I would read a page. For her this really worked. together we actually read more than i think she would have on her own, plus was able to stay more focused and could comprehend the story. I hope her teacher isn't upset by this. For her, right now, this worked. Whether she was reading on grade level, or even an appropriate book for her age, to me, doesn't matter. What does, is that she tried, she did and we completed the assignment, even if it wasn't in the way ordered.

There are many things with BCLC that i just don't get. but there are also many that seem to be working for me and my style of parenting, such as it is. I can see the purpose in some of it.

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