Bad Bad day

Today was not a very good day.

This post is not like many others, it has a quite somber overtone. I apologize.
 Today I went to the doctor because I was having unusual bleeding. My doctor is very worried and dropped the “c” word on several occasions.

I am trying not to over react; after all, we really do not know anything at all.
My husband is angry. He is angry at me for not going to my doctor sooner. He tells me it is selfish of me not to take care of myself and if I would have went in when he first suggested it. The outcome may have been different.
He’s probably right, although we don’t know what it is we are dealing with yet.

I tell him that hindsight is always 20/20 and since we can’t change the past we can only move forward one day at a time.

I am pretty OK most of the time. Until I look at pictures of my beautiful daughters. I think of my post a few days ago about Nanna and her being afraid of me leaving her, and my promise that Mommy always comes back and that I will never die until she is grown.

That’s when I lose it.
I cant have cancer. I cant do that to her.

My daughters are my world. I love them so much. They have been through so much, I pray that they will not have to endure any more.

But… I will wait until the blood work and ultra-sound tests come back and see what happens. There is no use upsetting myself when we just don’t know.

So I am going to close right now. I will try to write more when I know more.