Foster Drama

So, now the drama really begins.
No matter how much you try to steady yourself, or prepare, or convince yourself you will NOT feel this way about another set of foster kids, it happens anyhow.
We have court coming up next week. Even though it isn't one of the "big" hearings, it is one that will decide the boys future... for the most part.
My gut tells me that they will go to a close family member within 45 days, if not sooner.
It does "feel" different with the boys, though, than it did with my girls.
With the girls I was anxious every court day. I had so many butterflies that i would make myself sick. With the girls I felt nervous every time i met with mom in any way. But with the boys, I talk to mom, I don't feel butterflies about court (yet anyhow), and it just "feels" different.
Perhaps it is because we know what is coming now?
Perhaps because we have been through this before?
Because I had two tiny babies? one who was blamed for everything wrong from the start?
Maybe because we had wanted kids for so long that we really wanted the girls bad?
I don't know.
don't get me wrong, it isn't that I don't love the boys, and would love to have them in our family, but... it does "feel" different.
I guess I am a little nervous about what will happen,
and i am also a little nervous to say good-bye, since I suck at it so I am NOT looking forward to it. and.... How are my girls going to react?
I love these boys, and i didn't realize how much until we went hiking on Sunday. They are great kids!
I guess this sort of drama is what foster care is all about.