Movin' on

Lee Lee left us a little over a week ago.
It was kind of bitter sweet. The morning she was to leave she was playing with the dogs before she went to school. We were talking and she seemed fine about it. all of a sudden she jumped up and ran outside without saying a word. She was waiting on the curb for her bus. I know that of all of us, it would be the dogs and the TV (anime) that she would miss the most.
It was funny because she has these drawings that she had made of her family. Kind of like her own family album (since she had no pictures). The book she had made consisted of drawings of family members, very small on the page. above the drawings (which were not in color) she had written things like "This is my Grandma. I love her, she has a cat, a dog and a bird. The bird is very mean and bites" or "This is my Uncle ____, he has a farm with lots of goats and a cat. The cat is black and likes me to hold her and pet her chin."
I thought it was very interesting, yet sad. Sad that the connection she felt with her family was the unconditional love of their pets. I hope at her new foster home, (with her brother, Bubby, BTW) that she is doing well.

When it became time for her to go, the new foster parents arrived to pick up massive amounts of her "stuff" (she is a bit of a hoarder). LeeLee was so over stimulated and was bouncing off the walls. I know it was probably a little bit of excitement, and a lot of anxiety and a total refusal to admit any type of emotion.
Her final good-bye, she literally picked me up off the ground in a hug.
She is a tough child. I will miss her quirkyness and yes, her obsession with anime shows, just because it totally enveloped her. But... it is nice to have my TV back.

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason.  Whether the decision to take LeeLee and Bubby were the correct choice for our family. they brought us a a sense of what real family is, and showed us just what neglect and wrong choices made by parents can do to older children. It also taught me that I need to cherish my own children. I know I now hug Nanna a little tighter, a lot more often and try to be much more patient with her. I try to delight in the child she is, instead of trying to change her. She has a disability, but it is a part of her, it does not define her. I do not want her growing up with the issues that these two children who were our last placement had. or the feeling of smallness, or the idea that only pets give love.
I think these are the things that these two children taught our family.
But, my girls, honestly, have not mentioned her all that much. Not like they did the boys. they still say they miss 4x4 and lucky 7.
We will continue to be licensed.
We will take on other children, but.... we will be more picky. Mostly I think I have learned that it is OK to use the word "no" to adults, and not just to my kids.
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Movin' On.