Nanna Banana holding daddy's hand

Nanna Banana holding daddy's hand
Nanna Banana holding daddy's hand

Thursday, April 26, 2012

here we go again

I heave a heavy sigh.
I thought we were done with the whole female drama issue, but... too much to hope for.
Something wasn't feeling right to me, so I made another Dr appointment. My regular doctor was out of town for the week, so i went to the doc on call. He suggested another ultrasound.
This time, my endometrium went from a 2 (just a weeks ago) to a 7. and they seen a lump on my ovary.
I believe I am going to have to have a biopsy.

It appears to mean one of 3 things.
a cyst on the ovary
Ovarian Cancer.
I would like to say I am positive and brave.
the fact is, I am terrified. and... I feel the little girl in me coming out. I want my mommy.
at the same time, I want my daughters. I don't want my daughters to miss out on having a mommy.  We were involved in them being removed from their mommy, I don't want them to go through losing another one.
My mom was brave and strong and I could always lean on her to steer me in the right direction, help me make the right decisions, and be there for me.
Now, although I am 40... something... I am having to grow up and face grown up issues that the little girl in me does not want to face.

Oh, I know that Baynard will be there for me, he will be strong for me, I can rely on him and we will get through this, but ... I want my mommy.

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