relief

I was just recovering from my good news. It is hard having that potential "c" word hanging over your head.
I guess the one good thing is that I really appreciate what my mother went through, both with her own cancer, as well as dealing with my fathers and raising a child on her own.
I hope I never have to deal with that stress again.
You begin to see things in a different light I guess when you have that possibility looming.
My father passed away when I was 10.
My mother had not worked in years, she had not graduated from high school, She didn't even have a driver's license. What she did have was incredible medical bills, a mortgage and a 10 year old daughter she was left to raise on her own.
But she pulled it together, got a job as a school lunch lady so she would have the same days off I had, She got her drivers license, and she budgeted and even paid off the mortgage. I would also like to think that she reared one terrific kid. but... that would be debatable.
I don't know how she did it.
Twenty five years later, it was her turn. She was diagnosed. She was so strong and so responsible, I honestly don't know how she did it.
My mother was an amazing woman, I really appreciate her and everything she did for me and how strong she was.
When I was stressing, hoping for the best, but worried about the worst, I was thinking a lot about my girls. What would happen to them. All the things they would miss out on. All the things I would not get to see them grow up to do.
I wondered if they would feel the same hurt that I did when my father passed away.
I wondered if Baynard would be able to hold things together for them.
the words that Buggy Boo said kept coming back to haunt me: "But if you and daddy die, we wont be a family any more."
That was devistating.
I am thankful that I do not have to find out the answers to those sorts of questions right now. I hope I never do. but, for any one of us, it is always a possibility.